tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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