I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
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she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
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I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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