I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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