At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I faked an abortion last night.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
