Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
