I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you told grandpa to call you daddy
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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