If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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