shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
