now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
