how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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