I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I think we might need a safe word for this...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
