why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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