i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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