I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it's great music for shaving your balls
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
