im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?