the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
That accounts for only three of the penises
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.