Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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