And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
