someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
