we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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