What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
