Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We need to rekindle our bromance
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There's always time for handjobs
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
