Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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