Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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