just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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