Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
