he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
