you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
