i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I checked into jail on foursquare
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
