So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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