Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
