I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just want nice things and good sex
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
