just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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