I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
