The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
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We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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