I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
