youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
