Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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