I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
