you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
