I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
