I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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