Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
