you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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