ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If that was your dad, he is hot
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
