No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
