I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
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You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
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You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....