Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
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Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.