508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk