real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.