At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old