I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just google imaged poop.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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