An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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