I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
