I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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