the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
