I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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