I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Enjoy the penises
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
