I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
