Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
