I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
