The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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