Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize