I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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