why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
