atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
