I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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