What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
