So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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