I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
