Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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