Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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