This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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