I'm so fucking centered right now
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
