just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
